Life is Life and a Blog is a Blog

Hello.

How have you been?

I'm fine, thanks.

So, I haven't been the best, most efficient blogger lately but I'm pretty okay with that.

Life is life and a blog is a blog.

That is my deep thought for the day.

I think I'm going to crotchet it into a pillow. I'm such a crotcheter. Don't you think it is funny that crotchet is spelled Crotch-et? That is funny to me. Ha.

Okay moving on. This is a Smelling Diary. It's been a while but I'm not done overemphasizing my inability to smell. I'll probably never be done with that. I can't remember how many Smelling Diaries I have written. Honestly, I'm too lazy to look. That's pathetic.

Here's my thought about smelling today.

When you can't smell the following places are not fun...

The perfume counter-

Do you know how many times the average person says,

"Here smell this,"

while standing at a perfume counter?

I do... 34

(I made that up. However, I'm sure it's a true fact. I'll perform a study.)

The Candle Store-

Once I went to a candle party with my cousin Jodie.

It was a blast.

Side note: I don't know who the man in this picture is but he really seems to be enjoying the candles. I'm glad.

Everyones personal favorite...

Bath and Body Works

First, why do they have to make the name so close to Bed, Bath, and Beyond? I get them all tangled up every time I try to speak. It's horrible.

Second, people can spend hours in this store. Hours I tell you. Sniffing, spraying, and lathering up. It's amazing. While most people can spend hours here, I have about a ten minute endurance span here. That's when I'm trying EXTREMELY hard to be patient.

If you ever need a buddy to go to any of the above mentioned places, just let me know! I'm available anytime!

The Smelling Diaries - Part 3

The scratch and sniff concept is ridiculous to me. Scratching a sticker, paper, shirt, etc. to then have an aroma produced seems silly. I just don't really understand. Honestly, I never will.

People magazines Sexiest Man Alive issue came out this week. Of course I bought it. I appreciate a sexy man. Anyway, while I was reading I came across an article I never would have anticipated

The Sexy Scents article - Scratch and Sniff style

The deal is they chose some sexy men and fragrances that make them feel sexy. In order to get a whiff of their "sexy scents" you RUB THE CHEST on their picture. HILARIOUS! The whole concept cracks me up

However, the no smell issue made it so I couldn't even enjoy the article. I'm sure if any of you had read the reasons these men gave for there choices you would have nodded your head and thought, "Oh yes, that smells nice." When I read them I thought, "Why is the world would you want to smell like that."

So here is a quick breakdown of the men, their sexy scent, and my thoughts on the matter.

Chase Crawford: Freshly Cut Grass

"I grew up playing a lot of football and golf, and I mowed the lawn as well."

My thoughts: You want to smell like cut grass? You want a girl to cuddle up to you and smell the sweaty outdoorsness of cut grass. Cut grass, weird.

Michael Phelps: L'Homme YSL

"It's good stuff! I got it as a present. I just spray a little of it on my wrist and then on my neck."

My thoughts: First- Do you know how hard it is to find a clothed picture of this man? Practically impossible. In fact, I didn't really find one. Second- I can't say anything about his cologne choice because I know nothing about it. However I can say that I am thankful to Michael for explaining how he puts it on. I would have been so confused about the process of wearing a fragrance if it weren't for him. Wrist first then the neck... interesting.

Taye Diggs- Vanilla, Chocolate, Sandalwood and Musk

"It's part of my little regimen to apply essential oils."

My thoughts: That just sounds like a horrible combination. Vanilla and Chocolate probably mix fine. Sandalwood and Musk probably do alright together as well. However, sweet baking product and essential oils smell good together? I don't think so.

Chris Meloni: A Day at the Beach

"There's just some calming effect about the beach... It's that soft, coconutty, baked, warm sun smell. It's fresh, it's clean, it's natural."

My thoughts: That sounds nice. I wish I could smell that. The only one of these four men that I wish I could smell is this man who I do not find sexy at all. That's ironic.

Smelling Diaries Part 2

First of all I am very happy about the good responses to Part 1 of the smelling diaries. It just encourages me to keep going. Well done group.

I don't have very many fears that cause me anxiety or even second thought. Except one. I am extremely anxious that one day there will be a fire in my home, at school, etc. and something terrible will happen because I didn't smell it soon enough. It's one of those fears where my mind goes straight to worst case scenario.
I have nightmares about it. My extremely handsome future husband is out of town. Sadly, he works too much. I'm asleep in my comfy bed and once I'm asleep not much can wake me up. My adorable, well behaved future children with functioning smellers are asleep. The smoke detectors in my home stop working even though I check the batteries regularly. By the time I am awoken the smoke is so thick I can't see my hands. I run around frantically trying to find all the children. It never ends the same or even starts the same but the one thing that is always there is the feeling of helplessness.

I don't do helpless.

So image the panic I felt last week when this happened.
My students know that I can't smell but they don't really remember or understand what that means. Last week one day we were in our classroom just working away when one little girl comes and says,

"Miss Sullivan, it smells like something is on fire!"

Whenever I am presented with a situation such as this it is hard to decide how serious to take it. Yeah I can't smell and would have no idea if there was a fire unless I

a. saw the flames

b. felt the smoke

c. heard the fire alarm go off

so it's important that I analyze the situation immediately. However, kids sometimes exaggerate. For all I know someone near her could of farted with a smokey essence to it. That would be really gross.

I quickly turned to my other 20 second graders and asked if anyone smelled anything. The immediate yelled out responses I hear are,

"It smells like burnt cookies."

"I smell burning."

"Fire! Fire!"

That is when I start to panic. I run next door and the whole class is nowhere to be found. The other nearest class is also gone. So I decide I better get the kids out. I line them up quickly and grab my cell phone so I can call the school and see what is up and why the fire alarm hasn't gone off. We start marching outside. I get the secretary on the phone and ask her in a slightly possessed voice, "Is there a fire?!!!"

The reply, "Oh no honey, somebody burned some popcorn in the faculty room. It's not that strong of a smell though. It should be gone soon."

BURNT POPCORN!

All that panic, immediate anxiety, frustration, confusion. I have got to figure out a solution to this problem. An invention of some type perhaps. I would call it the smelltastic 2000. I don't know what it would do though. Any ideas?

The Smelling Diaries (Part 1)

I can't smell.

Really. I really can't smell. Not just today. Never. I never have the ability to smell. Although this is a common known fact about me it still puzzles people. Friends I've had for years will all of the sudden ask me a random question about my non-smellability. It's puzzling I know.

Lately there have been a few smelling "incidences" (Isn't that word mysterious? I love it!) that were definitely blog-worthy. However, I don't feel like I can really open up the Smelling Diaries without doing a brief question and answer period to catch you up to speed. So here are the top questions I am asked when someone discovers my lack of a complete functioning set of senses.

Q: You really can't smell anything?
A: Yes, I really can't.

Q: Can you taste?
A: No I just eat because I like what the food does does my body.
OF COURSE I CAN TASTE.
Do I have a normal fully functioning set of taste buds? I have no idea. I can't really compare my tasting abilities to yours. Think about it. Impossible. I personally believe that my taster is slightly broken. Food is more based on texture. I'm not really into meat due to the roughness. I don't do cookies, too crumbly. Cake, fits in with the crumbly category.
Lifesavers/Jolly Ranchers/Starbursts= all one flavor. I don't like brown beverages. In all reality they probably taste exactly that same to me as yellow, blue, red, green, even purple beverages but I'm racist against the brown beverage. Oops. One day remind me to tell you about "The Beverage Test". Actually Jason should tell it. It's his "back in the glory days" story.
In conclusion: I can taste it's just messed up a little bit.

Q: When did you loose your sense of smell?
A: I don't know that I lost it. It's kind of like when you misplace your cell phone. Did you ever really have it? Maybe. Maybe you didn't even bring it with you. You just really aren't sure.
I don't know if I ever had a sense of smell to loose. Maybe I had it and then lost it but maybe I didn't bring it with me. Get the metaphor?
Basically the answer is I can't smell and I don't remember a time I could. So I probably never had it. Confusing, right?

Q: When did you realize you couldn't smell?
A: I was the stinky girl in seventh grade. I was told by the flyer on my locker announcing to the school that I had BO. I didn't know I stunk. I then realized. All very Mean Girls-esque. It just kind of fell upon me after that. I took care of the stinky thing right then and became obsessive.
I stopped caring a few years ago. I think I'm the stinky girl again. It's cool.

Q: So you can't smell ________________ (cookies baking, fresh rain smell, hot guy cologne, a baby's bum)?
A: No, No, No, and why do people think that smells good but no.

Q: Do you realize how lucky you are that you can't smell _____________ (poop, farts, skunks, dirty socks, Slim)?
A: No not really but I think it's pretty funny when others suffer. :)

And now the number one comment I receive when the questions are over (generally given by a male).
Your husband is gonna love you! He can be as stinky as he wants an you aren't gonna care!

Did I miss any questions? Do you still feel unanswered and confused? Let me know. I can continue this sarcastic fest all day.

Let The Smelling Diaries begin!