Miss Sullivan’s Class Always Says The Darndest Things

Ready? If you've never read the first two installments of "The Darndest Things" check them out here and here.

Quick preface before we get into the juicy stuff! This year my classroom runs a little different because I am not a regular home room teacher. I teach reading and writing to second graders during the morning block and third graders during the afternoon block. I really love this teaching job and feel like it's the perfect fit for me.

It is very interesting to have two separate classes because they each have their own "class personality" and dynamic. My second graders are sweet, mild, timid and quiet. My third graders are loud, energetic, and humorous (they think so at least.) Even though they have very different personalities they both keep me entertained by their antics and attempts to entertain. Enjoy!

• During Red Ribbon Week we were have the "Just Say No" talk. I told my class about the decision I made when I was their age to never use drugs or other harmful substances. The following conversation followed:
  

  
  

  Boy: So when did you change your mind?
  

  Me: I didn't change my mind. I still lived by that decision to be drug and alchohol free.
  

  Boy: You said that drugs make people do crazy things they wouldn't usually do.
  

  Me: That's true.
  

  Boy: Well... (long pause) you do a lot of crazy thing that most people wouldn't do. You must do drugs.
  

It was clearly time to re-teach and clarify. Oh, and laugh my head off.

• Shy Girl: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
  

  Me: I don't know, what?
  

  Shy Girl: elephino! heee heee.
  

  Me: (Through uncontrollable bursts of laughter) Do you get that joke?
  

  Shy Girl: No. It's funny though, right?
  

  Me: Yeah! It's a good one!
  

  
  

• There is one student in my class that's late almost every day. She came in one morning with a Starbucks coffee cup in hand. I was bewildered. When I asked her what she had in her hand she said, "Oh Miss S., this is just my morning pick me up! It jump starts me into my day!" I couldn't argue with that.
  

  
  

• One day this week while on outside recess duty a boy fell and came running up crying. When he got to me he blurted this out before I could say anything.
  

  "Miss Sullivan! I just fell down and my mom makes me wear these really really tight jeans because she says they look good on me! They're so tight that I can't get to the hurt part! Dang pants."
  

  
  

• For weekend news a boy shared this story:
  

  "We got to ride Trax this weekend! It was awesome and my mom lost my sisters and me! It was so cool! My older sister who is twelve, me, and my five year old sister got on the train. My mom was fixing her shoes and looked up to see the doors closing. She ran barefoot up to the train door right as it shut in her face! We were laughing really hard and then my sister got scared because we were all alone in Salt Lake. My mom caught up with us at the next stop though. She had to pay some guy $50 bucks to drive her to the next Trax stop to find us. It was the best!"
  

I would now like to end this post with the best story I have had in my three years teaching. This one seriously wins! If you watch The Office you will die of laughter, at least I did. If you don't watch The Office it will still be funny.

• There is a stapler in my classroom that the students broke a part off of. It will still staple papers and function however it won't stay closed on its own. It just bounces on top of the spring. One day I told my students to staple their assignment and turn it in to the basket. This is what happened:
  

  Boy 1: Miss S. that stapler is broken! We don't want to use it.
  

  Me: It will still staple your papers and anyway you guys are the ones who broke it so you just have to deal. (Sympathetic, I know.)
  

  Boy 2: But its thingy is broken and so it just bounces.
  

  Girl: (From the back of the room) That's what she said!
  

  Me: WHAT?!?!
  

  Girl: That's what she said. My dad says it all the time and my mom always laughs.
  

  Me: HAHAHAHAHA!
  

  I think I laughed for five minutes straight. I really couldn't get control of myself. Could that joke have been any more well placed? No! And she had no why it was so well played. My class joined right along laughing with me. They had no idea what was funny but it distracted me for a few minutes and that's all they care about. I just love them and their innocence!
  

  
  

Miss Sullivan's Class Still Says The Darndest Things...

I have been saving these up for a while. This class I have is full of mischief, sneakiness, and questions. It makes for some great material.

• Coming up at the beginning of February we are having a Chinese New Year parade. We have been working on making dragon masks, fish lanterns, dragon puppets, etc. The students wear a big dragon costume and parade around for all of the school and parents to see. (I hate some of the traditions I have stumbled into at this school.) My class is extremely excited about this activity and we have been talking about it a lot. Yesterday a little girl comes up to my crying really hard. This is the conversation that followed... Me: "What is wrong sweetheart?" Student: "I CAN'T BE IN THE PARADE!!" Me: "What do you mean? Everyone gets to be in the parade." Student: "No, I can't be! I'M NOT CHINESE!" What else was there for me to do in this situation but smile.
• During football season the rivalry between Utah and BYU filtered into my classroom. It came through in everything we did for a few days. On the last day of school before the game, the class was writing in their journals. I walked past one of my students and started laughing out loud. For his picture he had drawn BYU in big blue letters. He had then taken a red crayon, crossed out the BYU and wrote UTAH RULES over the top. I told him I thought it was funny and I liked it. He then looked up at me and said very seriously, "Miss Sullivan, football is not a funny thing. Football is VERY important." I wonder where he learned that?
• I started a new management program in January. During the day my class is trying to earn different pieces of a Mr. Potato Head to get fun rewards. One day I was getting a piece out of the back flap of the potato. As I was doing this I knocked the whole back flap off. When I drop something in class it is kind of a stampede of 20 kids trying to be the first to help me. They just love me that much. (Yeah right.) So they all come rushing toward me and one boy grabs it and hands it to me. He then proudly said, "Here Miss Sullivan! You dropped Mr. Potato Head's butt and everyone really wanted to get it but I grabbed it first!" This put me into hysterics, which put my class into hysterics, and they didn't even know why we were laughing.
• Warning: Don't be offended, I just thought this was cute. Last week we were talking about Martin Luther King, Jr. We had been discussing him and the Civil Rights Movement all week long. My class got really into it and liked learning about Dr. King. At the end of the week a little girl said to me, "I am thankful for Martin Luther King because we don't have school on Monday." The girl sitting next to her looked at her funny and then responded by saying, "Well, I'm thankful for Martin Luther King because now we have black people!"
• We do this thing in class called snap and clap. When we are practicing spelling words or something we snap the vowels and clap the consonants as we say them. At the beginning of the year most of my students couldn't snap. I took a lot of time teaching them how to snap and some of them I just taught how to pretend to snap by making the motion. Last week one of my parent helpers said, "My son tells me that you are a rapper." I am sure I looked at her totally confused because she laughed and said, "He told me last week that you are a rapper and you are teaching them how to be a rappers. I asked him why he thinks you rap and he said because you are the best finger snapper he had ever met." We had a good laugh about this. I always knew I had a snapping talent I just didn't realize it could take me far.

That is all I have for now. Writing this has been good for me though because it helps me remember sometimes the little devils are cute, funny, and lovable. For past funny moments from my wonderful first graders, click here.

Miss Sullivan's Class Says The Darndest Things

That's right team! It is time to find out what the first graders in my classhave been saying lately! I have some good ones!
Disclaimer: Any of the following may not be suitable for the easily offended. If you fit the previous description do not continue reading or remind yourself, these things were said by six year olds.

• Setting: Teacher and student sitting at the reading table. The rest of the class quietly working at their desks. Teacher: I am going to say two rhyming words. I want you to think of another word that rhymes with those words. Are you ready? Student: Yes. Teacher: can, fan Student: man Teacher: sad, bad Student: had Teacher: hit, fit Student: (in a VERY loud voice) SHIT!
• Setting: Teacher standing at the front of the classroom teaching spelling. All students looking and listening to teacher (or at least they are supposed to be.) Student: Teacher! I need to tell you something very important. Teacher: Ok, what? Student: (he stands and walks to the front of the room and is now standing next to the teacher with the entire class looking and listening to him. He grabs his crotch and says the following.) You now those two things down there next to my peanuts? Well I have a pointy thing coming out of them and so I have to take some medicine for it. Teacher: Thank you for sharing that very important information with me and the entire class. Student: (smiles) Your welcome.
• Student: Miss Sullivan! I think you were bit by a vampire! Teacher: Why would you think that? Student: You have two read vampire bite spots on your neck! Teacher: (I feel my neck to find two small zits.) Oh, I don't think it was a vampire bite. Student: No, it is a vampire bite. I would know. I have been bit by a vampire before and so has my Mom! Teacher: Oh, well if you know it is a vampire bite I better call your Mom and ask her for some advice on what to do to take care of it. Student: No! You can't, it was so bad that she doesn't remember anything about it. Teacher: Oh no that is awful. Well am I a vampire now? Student: Yes, you are.
• Student: Miss Sullivan, are you ever going to get married? Teacher: Well, hopefully someday but I am still young and don't need to get married right away. Student: I asked my Mom how old you are and she said probably 29 or 30. Teacher: Really?! Do you think she is right? Student: No way! I bet you are 40!

That is all for now but I am sure there will soon be more. They are brutally honest at all times which provides me with some great material!